Expressions Of Life

Hello there! I’m starting out a series called ExpreXbnw where I’ll be talking about things you might already know, know but don’t really accept or generally rant about my take on life. Join me with a cup of coffee to read, radiate and relax.

Part 1: Happiness

Hard to find, stays agile.
Living for it, searching for it
But never realise,
It should be in the journey,
Minute by minute
Second by second
You cannot attain it,
But simply passes by.

Happiness.
In the rain, in the sun, in the snow, in the wind.
Happiness.
In the nature, the hills, the flowers and dew falling still.
Happiness.
In his touch, in her smile, in his scent, in her mind.
Happiness.
Coming home, going far, to that beach or in mother’s lap.

It fleets.
It is not here to stay.
For a fool can’t catch it,
It will fade.
And it should fade, don’t you feel the same way?
Only to make you realise its value,
But will come again.

Happiness comes in different forms for each one of us. While its singing for some, its smoking for many. It’s being with loved ones for one, solitude for a few. Happiness comes in little things which we often ignore, hence cannot feel.
Smiles, snowflakes, hugs and warm blankets.
Let’s find these little things this winter and spread them as much as we can!
Let’s spread happiness, shall we? 🙂

Part 2: Chup

Tum ladki ho.
This how you talk?
This is how you sit?
This is how you dress?
Don’t you know how to talk like a girl?
Sit like a girl?
Dress like a girl?
Chup.
No you can’t go out in the night!
Log kya sochenge?
But maa, bhai also goes out with his friends, why can’t I?
Chup.
Kyunki, tum ladki ho.
He touched me, in a way I feel disgusted about.
Can’t tell my mother, he is going to be my husband after all.
Chup.
He beats me every night.
Drunk, with his hands, used his belt the other night.
Chup.
Should I tell my dad?
No no, it must be my fault.
I have to make this work somehow.
Chup.
Broke it.
Told my mother I wanted a divorce.
Log kya sochenge?
Was all she said.
But Maa, I am not happy.
Dear, think once again and give another try.
Chup.
My daughter saw it today.
What kind of an example am I setting?
I am disgusted by myself,
Is this what am I teaching?
Finally, the silence was broken.
From all these years it was me, no fear.
He cannot hit my daughter,
No, He cannot lay his shadow here.
The silence needs to be broken.
Not then, but now.
The silence needs to be broken.
Don’t wait, start now.
We talk about equality all the time, but don’t really go by it in our day-to-day lives.
Equality is not when women have special seats in the bus or special coach in the metro, equality is when you treat her like you treat your son. With pride, dignity and no fear.
Equality is when you know your daughter will take care of you, just as your son will.
Equality is when you give her the freedom, you give the other one without fail.
Yes, she will fall.
One time, two times, or three.
But she will stand in the end.
High,
Maybe even higher than him.

Part 3: Depression

I don’t really know what that is, or how does that feel. Nobody knows it unless you’ve been through it yourself. Or you’ve seen somebody going through it. But in most of the cases you would not even get to know whether you or anybody else is suffering from it.
Because most people hide it. Intentionally, unintentionally. The fear of others judging them, all of this puts a pressure of not coming out and talk about it.
You wouldn’t even get to know that the person sitting right next to you is suffering from such a thing depression you know? Or maybe he/ she doesn’t even know him/ herself!
It’s just not being sad, it can be in the form of a lot of other things; eating more, caring less, sleep a lot or not at all, being rude, arrogant or irritated at the same time, pushing people away from yourself, and a lot other things.
I had studied about this but there isn’t any solution given as to how to cope up with depression on your own. If any of you know, then please comment down below. It would be a great help to everyone around.

Also, if anybody needs an ear to listen, I am always there, any day anytime. All you have to do is just ask. Please start talking about what’s bothering you, there’s nothing more effective than to communicate your problems. Let’s talk. Let’s let it out.

Part 4: Cry

When was the last time that you cried?
Yesterday, a month ago or you don’t even remember?
Don’t cry like a girl, they say- To a guy who shows his emotions.
Or,
Ye toh ladki hai, iska toh kaam hi hai rona -To a girl who is expressing her emotions plain and simple, for a reason you don’t even know.

Why is that a guy crying is such a big deal and when a girl cries its just normal anyways? I don’t understand why is it cliched this way!
A guy cannot express himself in the open just because of the notion that we have been hearing since childhood- boys don’t cry!
No!
First things first.
A) Crying doesn’t symbolize that you’re weak. Please. It is an emotion which needs to be respected.
B) It is actually healthy to cry and let out your emotions rather keeping it inside yourself.

It is these emotions that you hold up so tight, that ruins your or somebody else’s life. That anger, that grief, you need to let it out okay?
It is okay to cry.
It is okay to show, you don’t need to deny.

Part 5: Slut

Because she wears short skirts
Has tattoos all over
Drinks
Smokes
Dances in the pub.
Because she hangs out
With people you call men
Hand in hand
Eye to eye
Oh, that you can’t stand.

Because she doesn’t listen
Such a rebel
Fights, argues,
Tells the truth you can’t handle.
She isn’t clean, is it?
Just because she is doing better than you?
This world can’t see a woman grow
Thus, labelling her a whore.

How does it matter?
How many guys she has slept with
How many guys she has been with
Not your life, hers.
Stud, you call a guy who does this.
And you call her what? A slut.
Slut. Yes. You.
Why is there such a negative notion attached to it?
But being a stud, you are proud.

When will they stop judging?
When will you stop judging?
All the stares, the comments
She is scared.
Let her live.
Let her breathe.
Let her dance and sing.
Let her be free.
Just let her be.
Will you?

Part 6: Anger

“It’s like a part of me is dying, slowly, every second of every minute.
Have you ever felt that way?
Why did it happen? That too me?
When I was so sure it would never be like this,
It would never be this dark,
It would never be this grey.”
Struggling each day.
To get up and do the chores.
To walk, and live like everything is normal.
To smile, to talk.
When all you want to do is, what?
Cry? Shout? Kill?
When that thing is making you so angry inside,
Just take a sheet of paper and crunch.
Crunch it as hard as you can.
Take a pillow and shout.
As loud as you can.
Don’t worry, nobody is listening.
Letting out anger on yourself is better than letting it out on others I believe.
Let out the anger.
Run.
As fast as you can.
As far as you can.
Write.
Tears onto paper.
The best way I feel.
Paint down yours fears.
Blank canvas, make it yours.
Create.
Anything and nothing.
And it’ll be yours, forever.
Don’t carry that baggage with you,
It’ll pull you down all life.
Make your anger, your strength.
And you shall thrive.

Part 7: 20 something?

Hello there,
Yes you!
You are a 20 something, aren’t you?
You know what?
It’s okay.
I know you’re struggling a lot right now.
But trust me, it’s okay.
It’s okay to be lost.
It’s okay to not know where your life is going right now.
You have no fucking idea where do you see yourself five years down the line.
But that’s okay.
I know you’re fighting your own battle, small or big- people will judge, that’s what they do the best.
Listen to your heart, nobody else, it knows what you actually want.
It’s okay to be a rebel, sometimes that’s all the choice you got,
To parents, society or even yourself
Just know that you’re going to figure all out.
What should I do? What should I be? Why the fuck is this happening to me?
Surrounded by these and many more doubts,
You may fail each day, but hey, stay strong!
Oh You thought you would achieve all things nice and be whatever you wanted to be by now,
but here you are, still struggling, each day and every damn night.
To be somebody, to have somebody, it may all seem a little lost.
With loved ones parting ways,
Your mates might be doing great
Getting famous, rich and all settled in life.
Life of a 20 something ain’t that easy Alright?
Just outta college, juggling between jobs, loving a little, hurting a little, trying to make something of your own with future full of doubts.
Work sucks, and sometimes you feel you’re not meant for all of this that you’re doing right now,
Maybe you’re meant for something that is beyond just ‘nice’. .
So, here I am, trying to figure out what every other 20 something is trying too. All I want to do at this moment is just get out there and shout-
it will be okay and you too know I am right❣️

Part 8: Girl Love

Girl-on-girl hate is really common these days but it never made sense to me. I have been there, faced all of it to be frank and one of the recent incidents really made me question WHY?
Why do such a thing called girl-on-girl hate even exists? Where our fellow guy friends always tend to have a healthy Bro-code?
I switched a couple of jobs in the past one year to explore what I actually want to do in life, and I met such amazing individuals who inspired me in every way possible. And to be frank, most of them are WOMEN!
I think women are strong, beautiful and most of all, powerful. Wouldn’t it be so awesome if we just look at each other as sisters rather than competition? No matter how different we are, we are all going through the same stuff- the same problems, battling, fighting and surviving each day, hustling on our own.
Just imagine how easier would it get if we see each other as family- as one of our own.
Jealousy, putting the other person down just to make yourself feel good, calling her a slut, whore or bitch,
Too fat or too skinny or too ugly – WILL NOT HELP.
We are not each other’s’ enemies. The time and energy that we spend to hate each other, if put in loving and inspiring one another and spreading positivity, we can go a long long way.
You have the power to make someone’s day a little better, so why not do it? Isn’t it better than gossiping or bitching about one another at any given day? Let’s complement one another and grow. Together.

So who has inspired YOU the most?
Let’s share some love!

Part 9: Strange

Isn’t it strange?
That I have to leave my home?
That I have to change my last name?
That I have pay them money and gold to let me live with them as family?
That I have to put sindoor and bindi and fancy red bangles just to let people know that I am married?
Strange, isn’t it?

And there he is, walking all the same, doing all the same, being all the same. WHY?

Part 10: What Goes Around Comes Around


What goes around comes around.
Anger. Regret. Betrayal.
And most of all, love.
But you know, we never really respect love when it’s there! Like its always there, so you don’t really realise what it’s worth. But as soon as its gone, you know what you’ve lost.
The cycle continues.
You give love, you get love.
You give bullshit, you get the same.
So keep your people close, shower love and make them smile, cause what goes around comes around and you never know, kal ho na ho ❣

Part 11: Broken


Loving someone broken takes a lot of efforts.
He doubts everything.
He talks about life and universe,
But really doesn’t know what’s he saying.
Where every sentence ends with a what if?
He just wants to be held, and forgotten. Like magic.
It takes a lot of patience,
To get him out and make him believe that it’s not a dream anymore.
Not anymore ✨

Part 12: Past


To my 15 year old dear self,
There’s one piece of advice I would want to give you-
I know its late, but I never knew
You could get a hand of help too.

I want you to know that it is okay to be different.
The things you crib about now,
Will not matter ahead.
Don’t sweat on the small stuff.
They shall pass.
Enjoy that boring economics class,
You might make your best friend there.
Marks do not matter. They don’t, trust me.
Just pass the exam for the society’s sake. 🙈
Try out different things. You might not even know that you could be this good at something apart from the usual.
People are going to talk about something that’s different. Take pride in that.
But please, do not CHANGE.
You know this thing of yours, that’s different from the rest, shall be your one and only uniqueness in this world full of same old cows.
Don’t underestimate yourself. You don’t even realise what all you can achieve ahead.
Don’t fight with your parents too much. I know they can be a little annoying at times, but whatever they say is for your own good sweety.
To all the 15 year olds-
Live.
Laugh.
Cherish.
All these moments are going to be missed a lot when you’re working your ass off just to get a little appreciation, those giggles at the last bench could be heard loud and clear 💫

Part 13: Love


What do you know about love?

Nothing.

When there’s no you or I, there’s just us.
That is love maybe?

Part 14: Sshhh


“Sshhh, you don’t know their story.”

I don’t feel like writing a huge ass caption cause I think the picture says a million words. Couldn’t have put it in a better way.

Part 15: First Love

They were sitting on the stairs,
On the last day of college, two hearts full of a million emotions.
Neither of them were sure what was going to happen next.
Different cities or counties maybe?
“I don’t think we are going to last you know”, she said with a tear rolling down her cheek, “Is this going to be over soon?” .
Words had to be spoken, but eyes told a story of its own, of the things it had seen, of the things it had wished for.

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